Saturday, May 31, 2003

Major computer problems!
Back on again and just ending my fast.
5 days and I feel alot better.
Not much joint pain at all and my muscle, although weak, are feeling pretty good!

More later....

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Day Three of my fast and suprisingly I am not hungry.
I hope it helps.
Sorry, I have been so busy with work and life, that I have had little to no time to spend online.

Saturday, May 24, 2003


Is there anybody out there?
Just nod if you can hear me,
Is there anyone at home?
Come on, come on down,
I hear your feelin down,
I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again,
I'll need some information first,
Just the basic facts,
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain,
You are receding.......
A distant ships smoke on the horizon,
You are only coming through in waves,
Your lips move but I can't hear what your saying,
When I was a child I had a fever,
My hands felt just like two ballons,
Now I got that feeling once again,
I can't explain,
You would not understand,
This is not how I am!
I have become comfortably numb.
Just a little pin prick,
There'll be no more AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going for the show,
C'mon it's time to go,
There is no pain,
You are receding.......
A distant ships smoke on the horizon,
You are only coming through in waves,
Your lips move but I can't hear what your saying,
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye,
I turn to look but it was gone,
I cannot put my finger on it now,
The child is grown,
The dream is gone,
I have become comfortably numb.

Roger Waters
Someone once said "It all comes out in the wash."
Meaning that, what we give to the world we recieve back again.
My question is, How big is my washing machine? And how long is the rinse cycle?

A long absence from friends,
loneliness encompasses me,
They are right here, now,
But where am I?
The distance may be far,
or the distance between two synapses,
for me its like infinity strung out before me,
I touch but cannot feel,
I look but cannot see,
I say words that have no meaning,
I am cut off...........................

Friday, May 23, 2003

"I'll have people meet me on the street with their 3-year-old and they'll say, 'Do you know who this is? There's a man inside Big Bird and this is the man.' This is bad news to a child."

-- CAROLL SPINNEY, who has portrayed the "Sesame Street" character for more than 30 years, in the Los Angeles Times.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

A pot of water in a copper saucepan,
Not in a 'tea pot',
Watching it carefully,
Not wanting it to boil,
Wanting that moment just before it goes,
Two pinches of the Blended tea,
No bags, but savory leaves,
Some use teaspoons, I prefer the pinch,
Gently pouring the not quite boiled water,
into my cobalt blue tea cup,
Its a little bigger than the norm,
Timing of the steeping is important,
Some use the timer on the microwave,
Some use the egg timer on the stove,
My timer is this,
I go up stairs and into my childrens room,
I kiss them both on the foreheads,
And tuck their blankets in around them,
Coming back downstairs I find my tea,

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Darkness pervades the sky,
Unrelenting in its extent,
Will the sun rise?
Will the day bring a terror unknown?
The sun cracks the horizon,
opening up the possibility that something ................
and thats what I am afraid of.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Wishing time was on my side,
Wanting the world to slow,
Hoping my life works out,
Praying for the pain to go.
"Life does not repeat itself, It rhymes."
Mark Twain

Monday, May 12, 2003

"It is a paradoxical truth that tax rates are too high today and
tax revenues are too low and the soundest way to raise revenues
in the long run is to cut rates now. The experience of a number
of European countries has borne this out. This country's own
experience with tax reduction has borne this out. The reason
is that only full employment can balance the budget and tax
reduction can pave the way to full employment. The purpose of
cutting taxes is not to incur a budget deficit, but to achieve
the more prosperous, expanding economy which will bring a budget
surplus." --John F. Kennedy, December 1962

Rules of etiquette for dealing with peace activists

This is an email I recieved.
Its simple but proves a very good point.

With all of this talk of how wrong this war is, many of us will encounter "Peace Activists" who will try and convince us that we must refrain from retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001.

These activists may be alone or in a gathering and most of us don't know how to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:

1. Listen politely while this person explains their views. Strike up a conversation if necessary and look very interested in their ideas. They will tell you how revenge is immoral, and that by attacking the people who did this to us, we will only bring on more violence. They will probably use many arguments, ranging from political to religious to humanitarian.

2. In the middle of their remarks, without any warning, punch them in the nose.

3. When the person gets up off of the ground, they will be very angry and they may try to hit you, so be careful.

4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings about more violence and remind them of their stand on this matter. Tell them if they are really committed to a non-violent approach to undeserved attacks, they will turn the other cheek and negotiate a solution. Tell them they must lead by example if they really believe what they are saying.

5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are correct.

6. As soon as they do that, hit them again. Only this time hit them much harder. Square in the nose.

7. Repeat steps 2- 6 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot realizes how stupid of an argument he/she is making.

There is no difference in an individual attacking an unsuspecting victim or a group of terrorists attacking a nation of people. It is unacceptable and must be dealt with. Perhaps at a high cost. We owe our military a huge debt for what they have done for us and our children. We must support them and our leaders at times like these. We have no choice. We either strike back, VERY HARD, or we will keep getting hit in the nose.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

What an enormous leap of faith is made when a woman makes a decision to have a child! To carry another person around in your body for just under ten months, endure labor and delivery, and that watch and encourage and help that new person become an individual and a citizen of the world. What a huge responsibility; what an enormous labor of love! What gives you that faith, that strength, that hope? It is love.

For all the Moms out there, today isn't just about flowers and chocolates and crayon and construction paper greeting cards. Or brunch at the local hotel restaurant. Today is the day to step back and look at the results of your faith and love. Congratulations! And Happy Mother's Day!

Saturday, May 10, 2003

Why is the pain throughout my soul and body?
What character flaw has grown in me like cancer deep,
The Fathers hidden light allows my suffr'ng all too gladly,
For character has been built for future strength allowed to reap.

My being has no wishing in the future of my soul,
For futures have no rhyme or reason no longer will attend,
For now I'm here with pain so cruel and in control,
The past has gone, the future not found, never seems to bend.

But through the pain I see the end is near,
An end thats neither good or bad but is to be,
A rebirth of living and loving, an end of fear,
New life, the unexpected, the pure joy of love I see.

For the beauty that is the God of life,
Shall ever be held within each little strife.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

"Our commitment to liberty is America's tradition -- declared
at our founding; affirmed in Franklin Roosevelt's Four Freedoms;
asserted in the Truman Doctrine and in Ronald Reagan's challenge
to an evil empire. We are committed to freedom in Afghanistan,
in Iraq, and in a peaceful Palestine. The advance of freedom
is the surest strategy to undermine the appeal of terror in the
world. Where freedom takes hold, hatred gives way to hope. When
freedom takes hold, men and women turn to the peaceful pursuit
of a better life. American values and American interests lead
in the same direction: We stand for human liberty." --President
George W. Bush

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

I just posted a great story.
Click on 'Dakel' above and it will take you to read it.
also, Salam Pax is back after a couple of weeks offline. He lives in Bagdhad and is very interesting to read.
He can be found under the link Where is Raed? On my main page 'Thoughts' and in Dakel.
If you want to know why we went there and what war is like and what a madman Sadaam is/was then I strongly urge you to read these.
The sun comes up on a new day.
A good day.
I pray.

Monday, May 05, 2003

"The road to your championship will not be a smooth, wide and
easily traveled freeway. No, great accomplishments are ever
realized without first having to endure steep climbs, hard
falls and sharp turns. The key to your success is perseverance
and focus. Keep your focus on that which you desire to accomplish,
your championship, and continually discover ways to, and ways not
to, achieve your goals. Fall down and/or get knocked down 10
times and get back up 11..., and in so doing learn, grow and
move closer to your championship."

*Greg Werner {Strength and Conditioning Coach}
Through these prison walls of pain,
I see the world as it passes by,
People rushing to and fro with no aim or gain,
I see the misery and all I can do is sigh.

I write and speak to others through,
A veil of tears that will not cease,
It clouds my vision, is it really you?
Wishing the world eternal peace.

Sunday, May 04, 2003

The sun is about to come up over the mountain and light up the day to come.
Just as the sun is rising the temperature drops, Im not sure what this phenomenon is, but it happens. It does not last long, The world holds its collective breath and a chill runs through it.
Usually the wind stops for a moment and the birds stop chirping.
That moment, which is niether day nor night, is my magical place. No worries or pain, no screaming kids or clients, nothing but me. This moment last for about two minutes maybe even less, but sometimes it feels as if its an eternity.
The moment the world stops and I am at peace.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

My prison is my pain, My skin the walls.
My jailer is Vito "Slim" courage,
he is niether slim nor courageous.
I am in my cell alone,
solitary confinement.
My sentence is indefinite.
I was convicted by a tribunal I cannot see.
Is it the Holy Trinity?
or some evil force unknown?
Have I been convicted and sentenced unjustly?
Or am I guilty of sins unimaginable?
I have thought of escape but do not know were to start digging.
I dig through my past but seem to always come out somewhere deeper within the prison,
not outside into the fresh air and blue skies of freedom.
I sit alone in my cell and pray for the grace of a new beggining.
I can look through the bars of my cell and see my Wife and kids.
I see them playing and living and loving but cannot reach them.
I cannot give my son a piggyback ride,
or toss my daughter in the air and catch her in a bear hug.
I cannot make love to my wife through the confines of my cell.
Will I be in this prison for life or will I be parolled for good behavior?
There are many reasons why someone is sent away.
To keep them away from society to keep the innocent safe,
or they are jailed to rehabilitate them, to change them, to cure them.
Or they are locked up for mere punishment, to pay for there crimes.
Am I not good for society or am I being punished for some crime?
Can I be rehabilitated?
My spirit is confined within my prison, aching to soar free of restraint,
free to grow and thrive in the open air of life.
As Malcom X said "Only guilt admitted accepts truth."
What guilt should I admit? What did I do?
Some rot in prison, others are transformed.
Hamlet said "Denmark is a prison."
He, a prince, felt inprisoned in his world unable to change his cicumstances,
unable to make a choice to fight.
"O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams. "
His mind held him in the hell he percieved.
Was it his choice to stay?
Or did the world conspire against him, doomed to live in misery no matter how educated he was?
"Nothing is either good nor bad but thinking makes it so."
Through every night there is a dawn, but can I see the sun come up?
Will this night last so long as to make me blind to the morning light?
Are the walls of my prison so thick as not to let any light through?
Do I care?

"O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams. "

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Let a joy keep you.
Reach out your hands
And take it when it runs by,
As the Apache dancer
Clutches his woman.
I have seen them
Live long and laugh loud,
Sent on singing, singing,
Smashed to the heart
Under the ribs
With a terrible love.
Joy always,
Joy everywhere—
Let joy kill you!
Keep away from the little deaths.

Carl Sandburg